I always have a to-do-list. I am pretty sure I will have it even in my death bed, which may include: finding the right place and right moment to die.
When I think very deeply, I am pretty sure I wasn’t like this years ago. I mean those years when there was no social media, or at least something like Facebook was not that popular in the small town I used to live in Iran.
Those days, as soon as a creative idea was crossing my head, I used to go after it. Now I just write it down in the to-do-list. I find it EXTREMELY hard to start something, to just take a teeny tiny step, whatever it is. It seems that I am looking for a very perfect plan to just draw a line! I should have a schedule! A routine! Something solid consisting of all actions with high priority! The only thing I see is the best plan to ACHIEVE the best RESULT in the shortest period of time! But what about the PROCESS? What about the passion inside that comes suddenly and disappears very fast? What is happening?
Well, the answer for me is social media, especially Instagram. Oh man, I think this platform is sabotaging my creativity. I scroll down and see the best watercolor paintings ever! I see the best dances! Best bodies! Best foods! Best of every F* thing! The final result! The end!
I can not see the process, the TIME behind it. The speed is cruelly fast. But I am a human. I need time to excel. Especially at this age. I am not 20 anymore. When I want to start a skill from scratch, I really need time. I have to be kind to myself. I must make peace with time!
That is why I do not start anything in my to-do-list. I have shut down my inner voice. I am just staring at the RESULT! That F* best result! And starting from zero to that hero is frightening.
What if I close my eyes and try to enjoy the moment? The moment I am painting. The moment I am practicing that dance move just for the sake of it? What if I just DO the first step and let the flow go? Well… easy to say.
I really do not wanna see the results anymore. When I was in Iran, there was a fight-or-flight situation actually; I needed results. I stopped being creative and started being “puposeful”. I had to improve my English to a very high level to be able to immigrate. I had to learn X skill to find a job offer overseas. But here, it is not working anymore. And I am stuck in my to-do-list. I can not let the time go slowly.
I think the key to cure this is to be more self-conscious; to separate yourself from outside; to listen to your inner voice and see at this certain moment, what she/he wants to do? And to go for it! I mean right now!
In this way, the items in the to-do-list will be automatically checked. Not fast, but gradually. In a very happy productive organic way!
You will find yourself painting in peace, instead of dragging that list with “do more painting” in it month to month, without even doing one little step.
And you know what guys? At the end of the day, you are alone with your inner feelings. F* the fast result. F* achievements. F* priorities 😐